Should I or Shouldn’t I?

In the Spring of 2014, it had been a year since I lost my kidney to cancer. It had been a year since my choice to have life changing surgery had been dashed in the blink of an eye. I was still in the program, although not to the degree that I had been prior to the surgery. I had needed to step away for awhile as the previous year had been such a whirlwind. But now I was faced with making the commitment and decision again. I needed some more time and I also needed to get my head back in the game. Not so easy to do. I was torn. Could I do this again? Did I have what it would take to make the commitment again? The staff in the program did not make this easier for me. In fact, one person made it much harder. She kept insisting this was no big deal and kept after me to make the choice to have the surgery. It was a pressure I did not need nor appreciate. I spoke to the Doc about this and she did her best to assure me that the choice was mine and to take whatever time I needed.

Let’s flash back for a few moments to the late Spring of 2013. I had physically recovered from the kidney cancer surgery but the mental recovery was far from over. The feeling of how “easy” my cancer had been haunted me. It was made worse by seeing the rapid decline of Bill and his prostate cancer. When I tried to express these feelings to family and friends, they just did not understand. I had never felt this way before. I felt lost and very much alone. So I made a decision to ask for help. And I did. The program gave me the name of a therapist that among other things, specialized in weight loss issues. Before making any decisions, I did some investigating about this person. I liked what I read so I decided to give her a try. I made an appointment for a day in June of 2013 and I have been seeing her almost every week since then. It’s a deeply personal decision and one that should not be taken lightly. And it is not a decision that should make you feel anything other than empowered.

As I went into the Summer of 2014, I was a walking fiend! And I would workout in the local pool every day. I was “crushing the grind”! It was not uncommon for me to grind out 2-3 miles a day and 3-4 miles per day on the weekends. I like to walk in places that are surrounded by nature. Trails through the woods or along rivers, ponds and streams are my favorite. I think this is because it’s very calming. I had discovered the Battle Road Trail in Lexington/Lincoln/Concord. It’s a 5 mile stretch of walking paths through Minuteman National Park. I liked it a lot. As the Summer wore on, I made the decision that I wanted to walk the entire 5 mile length of the trail. It may seem like that’s not such a big deal but to me it was huge. It was going to be my Marathon. And I trained like crazy.

The end of August was approaching and this meant it was time to sail away again on the great Schooner Heritage. I had made the decision that I after I returned from sailing, I would set a date to follow in the footsteps of the rag tag group of minutemen who revolutionized our country. The winds of change were blowing…

 

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