It’s been awhile…and a lot has happened in that time.

“Annus Horribilis” is a Latin phrase that translates to “horrible year”. It was most famously uttered by Queen Elizabeth in 1992 is a speech describing a particularly difficult year for the British Royal Family. I am using this phrase to describe what has been my “annus horribilis” this past 12 or so months.

In July of 2024, I fell and basically destroyed my left knee. My right knee was not much better. After many physical therapy appointments, cortisone shots and meetings with my ortho doc, we made the decision to do total knee replacement surgery.

Fast forward to January 7, 2025. I went in to the hospital and had a total knee replacement on my left knee. There are few words to describe how intensely difficult this surgery was. You think you understand but really, there is no way to understand having your bones cut off. I did “well” for the most part. Had some severe swelling issues and for close to 2 months, I could not sleep more than an hour at most in my bed. The pain is indescribable. I got most of my “sleep” in a newly purchased recliner. I continued with PT and prepared for knee #2. Yes, you read that right! Because doing one knee was so much fun, I decided to do my right knee as well. So on April 23, I went in to the hospital and did it all over again! This time was different. I did not have the swelling or sleep issues as much. What I did have was some significant nerve issues. I absolutely could not stand anything touching my leg. This included long pants, blankets, sheets…anything. It took awhile but that problem has subsided. Today I continue with PT and still have pain every day. It’s a long process and could take a year or more. But I’m tough so I can handle it. I tell myself this every day!

And then the year turned really horribilis. I felt what I thought was an abdominal hernia. Went to the Doc and was sent for a CT scan. It was not a hernia, just an abdominal muscle torsion. But there was something else. A lesion/tumor on my pancreas. A flurry of tests ensued…CT scans, MRI, endoscopic biopsy, second endoscopic biopsy, second opinions from pathologists and very few answers. There are some things that are certain. This is cancer. From what they can tell, this appears to be metastatic renal cell carcinoma in my pancreas. Now…renal cell cancer is a fancy term for kidney cancer. So how do I have kidney cancer in my pancreas??? That’s the big question. In 2013, I had an “encapsulated” tumor in my left kidney. The entire kidney was removed and the tumor went with it. No further treatment was required because it was “encapsulated”. Well, here we are and it looks like a pesky few cells migrated into my pancreas and set up shop. I have known and have been dealing with this since mid-June. It’s almost 2 months later and I have no definitive answers. It has been very difficult knowing I have cancer but not knowing how or why or what is next. Some kind of treatment is in my future. There will be a 3rd endoscopic biopsy, this time at MGH. There may be a surgical procedure to remove the lesion/tumor. I don’t know. These are the 3 words I say many times a day…I don’t know.

This has been very hard on my family and friends. But they are all here to support me every step of the way. They manage information sharing for me so I don’t have to tell every single person. This helps immensely. I do my best to remain upbeat and positive and carry on every day as I normally would. But there is that nagging fear of what’s next…what will happen…will I die from this? I fight those questions off and live each day. One thing I know for sure…I will not die today from this.